Thanks for Coming.

That’s all folks, thanks for coming.

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure. – Abraham Lincoln.

So that was it, I’ve failed.

Finished the England Multi-events Championships over the weekend and managed a PB score, but as expected it was miles off what I needed to get even a sniff of a chance at being a wildcard entry for the Olympics.

I was struggling to finish that decathlon itself as my foot/heel/ankle injury flared up during the high jump, it got so bad that I was ready to throw in the towel before the 400m because I had problems striding out during the warm up for that.

But once again, it’s always the friends around you that help get you through.

You’d think by now I would have the strength of character to finish a decathlon whatever it takes, but truth be told it is always a running battle in my head.

It was thanks to the other decathletes that I went ahead to finish the 2 days anyway, but even in the final moments during the 1500m, there was still that battle between my will and my mind, fighting not to give in to the pain and start slowing down.

It must have already been 6 years since I decided to become a decathlete someday and take a shot at the Olympics. A large part of it was because I wanted to prove to myself, unlike what I did in the army, that I had the guts to go the distance and stick around till the end.

And in a sense, finishing the 1500m with a PB of 5 min 26s compared to my previous PB of 5 min 44s, I felt that I did what I spent all these years trying to do.

I still remember the moment of crossing the finish line and the feeling of punching up my left fist in the air, even though I came in third last for the 1500m, I saw the clock at 5min 25s and I knew I dipped under 5min 30s which was my target.

It’s done.

But more importantly, I knew that finally after all these years, I’ve won the battle in my head.

The hardest part is always letting your old self go, because rightly so it was the one that got you thus far, but now to get any further, I have to let my old self go.

All these years I’ve always thought that because I wanted it bad enough, I could somehow make it happen for myself.

I wanted it bad enough to move away from Singapore, live in a foreign land, walk away from a business that was actually making money and a safe route that was laid out in front of me by society.

I thought by having the guts to take the road less traveled it would somehow be enough to magically get to where I wanted to go.

It wasn’t.

What I’ve learnt is that wanting it bad enough is only one half of the story.

It’s gets you out the door and gets you on the road.

But the road needs a lot of walking.

I know exactly why I’m not a better decathlete than I am right now, I wasn’t willing to push through the pain barrier and attack my weaknesses early enough. I never did have a running or sprinting background, but if I did so at the start, that would have been 6 years of work that I could have gotten by now.

There’s no point in regretting anything now, and truth be told I don’t. As the saying goes, you can only understand life when you look backwards, but you have to live life looking forwards.

So here we are, at the end of this chapter of my life. I wish I could have had a better post with good results and a happy ending to this journey, but I don’t.

Life isn’t always like the movies or what fairytales make them out to be.

But thinking back at all the adventures I’ve had, the places I’ve been and the people I’ve gotten to know, I can honestly tell you it’s even more beautiful, more exciting, more colourful and plural than what the movies and fairytales show.

Moving forwards, this is the part where I have to reinvent myself.

And for whatever I’m going to do next I want to be one of those guys that can say, you know what, I’ve failed and that’s how I’ve learnt to succeed.

A few more decathlons before I end my season and figure out what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, but for now, thank you very much for following my blog.

As always, I sincerely hope that you are having a great time living your life, look forward and please, hold on to your dreams. =)