Hard Truths.

So many hurdles.... (Woodford 2010, picture taken before the 110m hurdles event)

Well that was unexpected.

I asked to join another training group for a hurdles and pole vault session tomorrow and got rejected. Max had been training with them for a few weeks, and there were only two other decathletes in the group, so both of us thought it would be fine for me to join in as well.

But the coach said no.

I know he doesn’t mean bad or anything, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling dejected.

Once again it reminded me of my place here. I mean the hard truth is: I am still a lousy decathlete. If you take a look at the results page that I just put up you will realise that there’s no escaping that fact at the moment.

Moreover I just read finish the latest book published by Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew, a much respected founding father of Singapore. He talked about the reality of the situation that Singapore was in, the slim chances of success and how a rational pragmatic approach would be the only way to keep the country going forward economically.

That made me think about my own situation as well, about what I’m doing and what I’m trying to do. Because in no way, in choosing to chase my dreams, is this a rational or pragmatic approach to my life. And even if I actually do achieve everything that I set out to achieve, there would not be any financial security waiting for me. The truth about the sports scene back in Singapore is that it does not pay, choose any other career and you’re going to have a much better chance at being financially successful in life.

Depressing thought isn’t it?

I guess at times it is, but don’t worry. I’ll have my moments like everyone else, but as I mentioned earlier, having chased this dream for that long I’ve developed resilience against moments like this.

Because if everything is only rational and pragmatic, and everyone just accepted today as the limits of what tomorrow can be, then what a sad world it would be.

Even MM Lee, who practically built Singapore up from ground up in the 1960s to what it is today, took a chance against the odds and did nothing short of a miracle didn’t he?

I might be getting a little bit old to be still trying, my knees and ankle might be killing me, but I have to continue to ask myself honestly, am I really doing my very best in maximising my chances of chasing this dream?

And the hardest truth I have to face is that, no I am not.

I’ve got my training ironed out along with a fantastic training partner that continues to push me forward every day, but I’m not maximising my recovery to benefit entirely from the training. I need to improve my diet, and use everything I’ve learnt in my sports science course to aid me.

I have to stop wasting my time and my life staring aimlessly at the computer screen.  Seek to sharpen my mind through my studies and beyond, continue to work on a financial plan to support myself alternatively.

Pick myself up, dust myself off. Stand up tall, keep on walking.

Hard truths, can you handle it?

I’m not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We’ll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you’re not alone

Holla if you feel that you’ve been down the same road