On Losing It.

Back in 2011, floating around the dead sea.

What just happened?

How the heck did I let these two weeks just slip by?

How did I end up so far away from where I want to be?

Did try to start training, but then with the overwhelming work and my tendency for insomnia, I quickly fell sick.

And work, gosh, I don’t even know how to explain.

Sometimes being born in a family business has both it’s blessings and it’s curse.

At times I do want to walk away, knowing that this isn’t ultimately what I want to do and that the enjoyment I get out of it is very, very minimal. I did it once before and that was the best decision I made 4 years ago.

Now though, I know it’s not just about me.

Staff in the company are dependent on me to carry this forward and through.

I guess that’s what growing up is about, you realise it’s no longer just about you. The decisions you make has far reaching consequences that affect many others, hence the weight of the world on your shoulders greatly increases.

So do I just give up? Resign to my fate?

I choose not to.

This is gonna require all my strength to turn my life and the company around, but I’m not gonna just let my life as a decathlete go just like that. I gave too damn much just to give up now.

One way or another, I’m gonna figure this out.

How do I get back to the beaches of Malibu?

How do I go back floating around the Middle East?

I still believe.

On Making It, or Breaking It.

Better, Never, Stops.

Work 1 – Me 0

I guess I let work get to me this week.

Being hit by ‘reality’ in the face full force has a nasty way of putting you down.

I got reminded of all my shortcomings, all my past failures.

This was pretty much the life I tried so long to run away from and now I’m back in it.

Is this it? Is the rest of my life just going to be like that?

I choose not to believe so.

I believe in change.

I believe in better.

I believe that I can change whatever surroundings or situation I am in for the better tomorrow.

I won’t give up, I can’t.

Tomorrow starts my winter training phase to prepare for my decathlon season next year.

I guess now, I really will find out what I’m actually made of.

I’ll know tomorrow morning when I get up at 5.30am to hit the track.

Whether I’m still willing to leave it all at the track, and then head to work after.

Time to do something.

On Being Back In Singapore.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


I mean, whoa……

I really forgot how fast and punishing the pace of life can be back in Singapore.

There I was back in Loughborough, living a nice and easy life in the English country side, next thing I know I’m stuck back into the thick of things back in Singapore.

I must apologise for the lack of updates in the past two weeks, it has been one heck of a hectic ride.

Came back finding the family business needing a bit of sorting out.

I guess I can’t shun away from my responsibilities, but at the same time I see the endless possibilities.

Singapore’s pretty crazy, very energetic, a little bit too much tension, but loads of money flowing around which equates to plenty of business opportunities.

Funny thing is that even though my degree was in Sports Science and Management (which has almost nothing to do with the nature of business), somehow what I’ve done over the past few years armed me with something much more valuable than a degree.

It taught me that it can be done, and that the world is for your taking.

1 more week of ‘rest’ before I have to start fitting in my winter training phase along with my crazy working hours.

It can be done.

It has to.

Let’s see what I’m actually made of.



On Coming Back to Singapore

Heathrow Airport, en-route to Singapore. Better Never Stops.

So I’ve come full circle, back to where I began.

You know how they say, when you’ve gone one round and get back to the start, everything will feel the same, yet everything has changed.

And then you realise that it actually is you who have changed.

Got back to Singapore on Thursday evening and pretty much got back to my old life pretty swiftly.

Back to meeting my old friend, staying in my old home and heading back to do the same stuff before I left 4 years ago.

But somehow, I can feel that this time I doing it as a slightly different person, and that I’m heading towards another slightly different direction.

I think what has changed in the past 4 years is that somehow I used to think that it was possible to do anything in life, and so I tried.

Now I know that it is possible to do anything in life, and so I’m working towards it.

I wore that band around my right wrist during my last few training sessions in Loughborough and during my last decathlon to remind myself, Better Never Stops.

And I can’t stop now.

3 more weeks of rest, winter training begins.

p.s. thought I’d have a change in theme to reflect this next chapter of my life, something lighter now to reflect the brighter days ahead =)

On Leaving Loughborough.

Made it through my 7th decathlon in Surrey. My MBII made it through looking a lot better than I did.

And with that, it draws my time here in the UK to a close.

Tomorrow morning I will be leaving Loughborough for London and the day after catch a flight back to Singapore.

The past few days has been extremely stressful for myself, you kind of forget how much junk you actually fill your life with until you start to move and clear out your house. I guess I under-estimated the task and by the decathlon I tired myself out simply by moving the boxes up and down stairs all day long.

It’s not the fairy tale ending to this journey, but then it wasn’t really a bad one either.

I fought from start to finish, I saw what I had to do through.

And in the end, I will look back at these 4 years of my life and think, damn, did I really go out and do all that?

Wrote a message to my friends on my facebook earlier today, would like to share that here too:

You know how they say you either get results or you have a story. I hate the fact that I have that many stories to tell. Finished my last decathlon here yesterday, didn’t managed a PB though, ran the best hurdles race in my life till I crashed hurdle 9 and did my left ankle in.

Thought I’d at least break 5k by now, but oh well, lived to fight another day.

Just want to thank everyone for these past 4 years here in Loughborough and the UK. It’s really been an awesome journey. Though many a times I felt like the kid in the video below training and competing with you guys, I can’t say how lucky I am to have met so many amazing coaches, athletes, track-mates and friends along the way. Especially to my training partners Adrian Hemery and Maxim Hall (and for a very brief period of time Lydia Philpott), my coaches and the rest of the Loughborough decathletes, you guys helped me from 0 to 4500, couldn’t have done each point without you guys.

And the rest of the decathletes I’ve met around the circuit, you guys must be the most awesome bunch of people in the world. After watching and hearing about it for so long, all I can say is that the brotherhood is real.

It’s amazing what you can do with your life when you have a dream, find the guts to go for it and refuse to give up. Doesn’t always go your way, but damn it sure makes life a heck of a lot more interesting.

So Loughborough, thank you for the memories and goodbye for now. =,)


Even the Sun Sets in Paradise.

Even the sun sets in paradise. One of my last few days at the Loughborough Track.

When it comes to an end, you realise that everything you’re doing, you may be doing it for one very last time.

One last time I’m at the track jumping, one last time I’m at the the track running.

I guess having spent 4 years here, it has been a large part of my life.

And as much as I hate to leave, I know that it’s time to go.

Last year when I graduated, I knew the job hasn’t been done and I would have never forgave myself if I went back then.

This time, somehow I know it’s right to go.

As they say, everything that has a beginning, has an end.

I guess that’s just the way life works, because if it didn’t, we’ll take everything for granted and not savour the beauty of each moment.

Looking back, man it has been amazing.

So I guess this is what it means when people say ‘go live your dreams’. =)

On the Law of Success

Law of Success by Napoleon Hill, great book to read.

Amidst my packing, I have finally completed reading the Law of Success by Napoleon Hill.

Firstly this is a big book (1035 pages), I must have bought it more than 5 years ago back in Singapore but never really got around finish reading the entire thing.

Whilst I enjoy reading so called ‘Success literature’, I always take everything with a pinch of salt and know that there are more bullshit out there in the ‘Self-Help’ section of a book store than there are actual useful stuff.

(Always liked this scene from School for Scoundrels, watch at 0.40)

Anyway there are a few good books that have genuinely good concepts and ideas out there, this will be one of them.

Below is a questionaire at the start of the book which I’ve completed about 5 years ago, to score myself in each of the 16 Laws upon 100, I’ve put my new scores that I just did yesterday to the right of my original scores. Have a go yourself and see how you fare!

5 years ago Now
The Master Mind (Having a good team) 70 50
A Definite Chief Aim 50 30
Self Confidence 60 50
The Habit of Saving 10 0
Initiative & Leadership 50 60
Imagination 75 50
Enthusiasm 60 50
Self-Control 50 40
The Habit of Doing More Than Paid For 60 70
A Pleasing Personality 70 80
Accurate Thinking 50 80
Concentration 40 50
Cooperation 70 55
Profiting by Failure 50 80
Tolerance 70 80
Practicing the Golden Rule 60 90
Average 56 57.19

Interestingly,I thought I would have scored worst now than 5 years ago before I compared the results. The reason for that is sometimes now I feel a little lost in the sense that I’ve finished this 5 years and failed to achieve what I set out to do, hence now I got to figure out what to do next.

But when the averages are compared, I’ve actually improved by roughly 1 point.

5 years on and 1 point of personal growth.

Can’t say it’s been amazing, but then looking at the specific categories, I started to see why.

The dreaming side of things, like ‘A Definite Chief Aim’ and ‘Self Confidence’, have definitely taken a hit from my failures, but at the same time the doing side of things, like ‘Profiting from Failure’ and ‘Accurate Thinking’, have definitely improved.

My weakest point ‘The Habit of Saving’ still remains. I used to blame the fact that I have irregular income sources due to the nature of business and thus it is hard to be budgeting and saving, but I know that is just an excuse and I am determined to work on this factor everyday.

So to sum it up, I think what happened was that in the last 5 years, I set out with a huge dream but I didn’t really know how to go about doing it, thus I failed.

Now, I know how to go about doing it, but then I’m a little afraid to dream as big because now I know there’s a heck of a lot of work to be done to achieve it, and also having failed before doubt now sometimes overtake the desire to keep dreaming.

So, do I just back off, resign to my fate (if there is such a thing) and accept my limits of today as the limits of my future?

Or do I now armed with the experience of my failures and the knowledge of how to be doing, dare to dream big again and work 10 times as hard as I used to in order to get to where I want to be?

Well I think you know the answer to that. 😉

On Keep Figuring It Out.

Mud, Sweat and Tears by Bear Grylls, amazing read.

Mud, Sweat and Tears by Bear Grylls, amazing read.

Life is but a series of figuring it out.

You never quite really get ‘it’, because as soon as you do, life changes and you it’s time to go figure it out again.

Just finished the awesome book Mud, Sweat and Tears by Bear Grylls, absolutely fantastic inspirational read for anybody out there.

What it made me realise is that even the guys whom we view as very successful, usually had a very trying past and is still constantly trying to figure it out.

Bear worked really hard to and managed to pass the SAS selection in his second attempt (where most people wouldn’t even phantom trying one, least failing and going at it again), only to break his beak in a parachuting accident. He withdrew from the service due to the injury and started on another ridiculous adventure, to climb Mount Everest, as a goal that would drive him to make a full recovery from his back injury. He almost died trying to do so, but after he did, he was back to square one. He had no money and once again needed to figure out what to do next.

Somehow reading his story gave me some comfort, knowing that perhaps it’s just part of life, so I too am trying to figure it out.

I’m planned to go back to Singapore in less than 2 weeks, but I’m not quite sure what to do next. At the same time, business here seems to be finally kicking off and I might need to extend my stay here again just for a little bit so that I can fly off to Ireland to meet some potential investors.

Mid-20s can be a confusing and scary time of your life.

But I guess from all the stories I’ve heard and the people I’ve met, one thing I know is that if you figured it out, then you’ll keep figuring it out.

So it’s time for me to once again, figure it out.

On Dreamlining

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The older you get, the harder it is to keep holding on to your dreams.

Reality has a harsh and very effective way of beating you into submission, trying to force you to accept the limits of today as the limits for your tomorrow.

And speaking of tomorrow, it’s the day I intended to fly back home, bringing an end to these 4 years.

But somehow that freak neck injury 3 weeks ago changed my plans and there is still one last decathlon to go.

Being still uncertain about what to do next, I did a dreamlining exercise as mentioned in the amazing book ‘4 hour work week’ by Timothy Ferriss (highly recommended book for everyone).

Basically you ask yourself what exactly you want to be, have and be doing in 6 – 12 months time, and then you work your way backwards on how to achieve it.

I realised that I still do have very big dreams, but somehow I find myself a little more hesitant now. Perhaps the experience of failure has wisen me up to the the very real possibility of not achieving what you set out to do.

Do I dare to once again make big plans for the next 5 years of my life and pursue it as naively as I did 5 years ago?

I don’t think I can, I’m a very different person now.

But I do think I can pursue it a whole lot wiser and more focused than I did 5 years ago.

It’s almost like, yeah you got me there life, but you know what? Let’s go on and play the second round.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill

I think life is a series of figuring it out.

You never do quite get to a static point where you find ‘the’ answer, but all you can do is to keep going forwards and keep figuring it out as you go along.

So, keep going, and keep figuring it out.

On Doing.

A new reminder, something to remember every single day.

Something’s changing, finally.

Somehow, I’ve finally woken up.

It’s easy to realise what you have to do, but it’s a whole lot harder to actually do it.

Saturday was the first time I puked on the track.

“Congratulations! You’re now a proper athlete!”

Wise words from an experienced training partner.

The hardest part is when you realise that the cause of your failure is yourself, and that if you just keep doing the same, then you’re only going to fail the same.

I guess I was grieving for a life that could have been, I dug a hole in the ground to keep my head in so that I can postpone reality.

But my life is going nowhere fast and I have to dig my way out of it.

My professional life, my social life, pretty much every aspect of my life am in flames despite me trying to put up a front for it.

But over the past few days, I felt like I’ve reached a tipping point.

I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

So I’ve got my arse up from the chair and started doing something about it.

I choose to fight on.

I choose not to give in.

I choose not to give up.

And I express that choice by doing.

%d bloggers like this: