On being frustrated.

The symbol of my frustration.

Well training today just about summed up my frustrations.

First I had a hurdles session with Coach George and the rest of the crew. Pretty much found what was the problem with my running, my short strides that’s causing me to not reach the hurdles in the correct number of strides.

We were doing runs on the bend over 100m with hurdles placed on the 200m hurdles markings. All the rest of the guys sailed through them easily in 7 strides whilst I just couldn’t do the entire set on that, having to resort to 9 strides in the end.

I moved on to the pole vault session after with the local athletics club where the kids learn to vault. The thing that hit me was that the kids I’ve first vaulted with 3 years ago have now grown up. One of them is vaulting really well now whilst I’m still vaulting about the same height that I started off with 3 years ago.

wtf.

I know.

I used to tell myself that it’s ok, that I’ll have the patience to stick through it and improve. And 3 years later, I must say yes certain bits have improved, but I’m nowhere near where I planned or expected myself to be.

My final decathlon of the season is just a week and a half away. Somehow I feel that if I don’t achieve my performance goals, I would be letting a lot of people down and it would almost be embarrassing to go home like this.

Maybe I do not have the talent, or perhaps I’m just not cut out for it. I don’t know.

But I’m still here.

And I’m still going to keep on going.

I got to believe in myself again.