On Letting Go.

Took a picture of myself at where I sat in the wide open field.

The hardest part was letting go, not taking part.

Past few days I went through all the photos that I’ve taken since the start of my final year here in Loughborough. I realised I didn’t take too many during my first two years and so I bought a compact cam (my trusty TX-5) and then my dslr (my amazing 60D) to take some photos along the way.

You only realise what a year it has been when you start to look back at each photograph, each one reminding you of a story. Haven’t got them up to my Flickr account yet so below are the two albums on my Facebook account. I’ll update them with the Flickr slideshow once they are up.

Link to album 1

Link to album 2

I’m still not sure if I can stay on a year more for my masters (it’ll depend on my results and the way the final exams went, oh well) but nevertheless, from the mundane to the extraordinary, each day here was a gift so thank you Loughborough for the brilliant 3 years.

Part me feels like it’s time to move on now, but it’s hard to let go isn’t it?

Guess I’ll see what happens in two weeks time.

But for now, training goes on and there are still two more decathlons before I end this season. It’s frustrating that over these 3 years I gave a lot to chase this dream, but somehow I seem to be getting everything I planned for, except the performance I need. I guess that was the frustration that caught up with me over the past week.

It’s like the last missing piece of the puzzle and you just can’t find it, running out of time and ideas how to as well.

I pushed myself as hard as I could over these few years, but I only ended up getting injured and still technically incompetent at some of the events. And I think I reached the point where I have to realise that if I keep doing the same thing, I’m only going to get the same result.

It’s time for a scary thing called change.

I decided it’s time to train less, give my body more time to recover and hopefully my joints will feel fine for the next two decathlons. I will re-think and plan my training so that I will only have 4 full sessions a week and two active recovery/rehab sessions. Have to filter out exactly what would benefit me the most in that 4 sessions and just have the discipline to stick to it.

Did a 10 min active recovery barefoot jog around the central field today and I just sat in the middle after for a bit.

Looking at where I started my Loughborough experience in Towers Hall and the campus around me, I felt at ease, like how I first felt when I came to Loughborough on a holiday visit with my parents 4 years ago when I was deciding which school to go to.

Somehow at that moment I felt the cool air in my lungs, the cold grass on my feet, the rustling of leaves behind me. Wasn’t thinking about the past or the future, but just lived in that moment itself, at peace with myself.

I was home.

And Loughborough has indeed been a wonderful home for me these past 3 years, somewhere that I can think back on when I’m older and know that this was where I spent my early 20s chasing my dream and having the time of my life doing so.

It doesn’t matter what happens next, it’s time to let go of the burdens holding me back.

But don’t worry, it doesn’t mean I’m giving up just yet. I just feel that I’ve moved on to a different stage in my life.

All this experience weighs me down.

Time to let go now.