On Quater Life Crisis.

Someday maybe...

Only problem is that there isn’t that many days left for it…

Having this thought running through my head these past few days, it’s weird how these downcast moods tend to happen after each decathlon (last time I finished one I thought about quitting).

I guess it is a combination of DNFing, being injured, having loads of free time off from the track recovering and realising that Daniel Awde (pictured above, represented GB at the Beijing Olympics), whom I competed with last weekend at Woodford, is born in 1988. Plus I heard from other decathletes that he already thought about leaving the game previously.

I think as you get older, it always stings you when you read about or get to know people who achieved so much more than yourself at a younger age, and you start to question yourself what the heck are you doing.

Turning 24 soon and already am in the middle 1/3 block of my twenties.

Just paid the last instalment of my school fees and it reminded me of the cost, monetary and non-monetary, of this journey. When I decided to drop out from the paper chase and walk away from the business to fund my own studies here in Loughborough and get a shot at becoming a decathlete, I didn’t quite expect progress to be so slow and time to pass so quickly. It hasn’t been an easy ride but regardless in a blink of an eye, 3 years went by already.

Was it worth it?

Out at the track again yesterday with Max and made a small breakthrough in my throwing technique for the javelin =D.

And the love kicks start again 😉

I realised that it is all these small little moments that made this journey worth much more than the pain. Like suddenly figuring out how to high jump and subsequently going from 1.57m to 1.66m in a day (a lot more to come I promise), hearing from Max that he finally got his GB senior vest, or clearing that pole vault opening height on the last attempt during my first decathlon last year.

All these moments kinda strung everything together and it just keeps you going, because you never know when the next moment is or what that next moment will be. And that’s the beauty of chasing dreams, because you really never know where it’s going to lead you next.

Would I have imagined what I’ve been through and ending up now training with international athletes, working with 3 Olympic coaches and running for my country? I guess the honest answer would be no.

As always it still feels like there is such a long road ahead, especially in terms of my actual performance improvements that I know I can achieve, but once again looking back I know that I’ve come a long way and there is nothing to worry. =)

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Signed up for the England Athletics Combined Events Championships.

3 more weeks to go.